I'm sort of dreading tomorrow. I honestly feel like I have a rock in the pit of my stomach. I can't avoid tomorrow...it was bound to come, but oh boy do I hope I can mourn joyfully.
You see, last year, on June 3rd, we were matched with Emmett. E Day, I call it. It was such a brilliant day. I cried with joy and hope in the Castlegar 7-11 (that is where I listened to the message from Jason for the first time). I bought a celebratory cake at Safeway on the way home. We danced and laughed and cried with joy.
Exactly 3 weeks later it seemed as though our dream of Emmett was diminishing, and ultimately that precious boy went to another home.
Lord, have mercy.
Last weekend I was at a women's retreat (well we decided it should be called an Advance, because we didn't retreat from anything!!) and I spent a lot of time praying for what the future holds with regards to our adoption. I don't yet know what the Lord has planned, but I don't feel like he is done with us yet. My heart is open to what he has for us, and I just hope I can follow Him into it with hope and obedience.
Tomorrow, I head to Spokane with a dear friend. We will do all the things we love this weekend: spend time together, eat favourite foods, shop, craft, sleep, etc. It will be a great time. My heart will be full in many ways, and part of it will always be talking to Father God about the loss I'm feeling.
Dear ones, whatever it is we are facing, let us face it with the joy of the Lord. His love and peace is so far reaching, it can meet you in the deepest of your needs.
(I got to hold the cutest little kitten today. Too bad they grow up into cats.)