Mother's Day has just passed. We had a great day. I celebrated my two sons and thoroughly enjoyed the gifts they gave. Public school is great at helping little ones bring home special gifts (homeschooling doesn't offer the same benefit).
(Korban's gifts are the top two--his booklet is full of kind words.
Shalem's gifts are the bottom two--he worked so hard on them!)
Since that day has come and gone, I have been thinking about this last year. The ironies I have noticed are overwhelming to me.
Last June we felt pregnant. We had finally been matched in our adoption and were overjoyed to be expecting a little boy later in the year. Then, in a fury of speed and depth, that boy wasn't ours any more.
The months that followed that loss were difficult in many ways, but the irony. Oh the irony. Did you know that cancer therapy has side effects that, strangely, make you feel pregnant. Here I am, reeling from losing a child, and yet I feel pregnant. I'm nauseous, tired, achy, and bloated. Oh yes, and my breasts hurt.
Friends, there is learning to be done here. The very thing I had hoped for, longed for in fact, has been lost, and yet I find myself experiencing the side effects as though I have been carrying him myself.
I am sure you have experienced something similar. Maybe not to the extreme of losing a child to cancer and still feeling pregnant, but this is life: we take the good with the bad and we sort through the rest.
This is how I deal: laugh. Laugh until your belly hurts, until tears roll down your cheeks, and you think you might pee your pants. Sometimes the hurt is so great and the irony just too much, so you laugh. Watch the video of the woman wearing the Chewbacca mask. (seriously, watch the video, you won't regret it) I can't tell you how good laughing feels. Now that my stomach has healed, that is.
Friends, I'm not pretending that I
didn't don't cry. I'm not pretending that I haven't prayed heartfelt prayers asking for mercy. But, I can honestly say that finding joy through laughter has helped me immensely. Scripture is full of verses encouraging us to find joy, even laughter!
Psalm 126:2-3 and our tongues with joyful songs. Then the nations said, “The LORD has done spectacular things for them.” The LORD has done spectacular things for us. We are overjoyed.
Though my body has undergone massive change and my heart has grieved great loss, still I will rejoice in the spectacular things Christ has done--and my mouth will be filled with laughter!
I hope yours will too--in fact, let's laugh together!