Today I have been attempting to erase pictures on my Iphone and Ipad. It has been a struggle in more ways than one. They are so clogged with photos that they have ceased to function properly. This is so annoying!! Right now, I want to rage against technology because I don't fully know what I'm doing and it is taking forever!!
The other difficult thing has been the pictures. I have scrolled past pictures that break my heart. I have seen a photo of the cake we got announcing that we had been matched. I saw the photo announcing it was a boy. I saw the picture of me taken literally 30 seconds before I answered my phone to hear I had cancer.
(I took this photo, then my phone rang. That call was life changing.)
These photos are a painful reminder of life before diagnosis. This process of healing and grieving is like one step forward, two steps back. The whole time I do this cha-cha I know God is there with me. Oh how I am so thankful for his nearness! He doesn't chide me for continuing to have a hurting heart, rather, he sees my hurt and reaches into it for healing.
Friends, I'm not going to lie...this whole Vancouver experience has been a blessing in so many ways, but it has been hard too. I have to go to the cancer clinic Monday-Friday. I am faced with "no going back" (to my old life) 5 days a week. At least with chemo it was once every two weeks, then three.
I am getting to make beautiful memories with my family, but there is a bit of a dark cloud hanging over me today (and Vancouver for that matter--literally).
I so appreciate the prayers you have sent up to God on my behalf. The end of this is creeping ever closer...and my hope is in Him alone!