I wrote, not that long ago, that this whole adoption thing is hard. HARD. I was discouraged, losing hope.
Then I listened to a wise woman speak words of truth and promise. God will do as He says. Enter Hope once more...
I did it. I have allowed myself to hope in a big way. Well, it might not seem big, but it is symbolic and it feels big. I bought something for our baby.
True, I have a lot of toddler things we've been saving since we started the process. I have zero baby stuff--no clothes, diapers, cute little baby bath tubs, nothing. But, I have bought nothing. I didn't want to allow my heart to go there, to feel like this thing was actually going to happen.
I have generically thought about what life would be like. We've made loose plans to move the older kids into a room together to make room for baby (this still hasn't happened yet). I even went so far as to borrow a breast pump so I can attempt to jump start my milk supply (did I just write that?)--but I haven't actually tried.
The point is, I keep delaying these things because it seems so far off, so unlikely to happen soon. The truth is, I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN IT WILL HAPPEN. (That was said in my best Owen Meany voice people, it seemed too fitting not to.)
So this week, I took the plunge. It was an impulse buy, really. A small splurge, but it was meant specifically for a little one (ones??) that we will continue to love, hope, and wait for.