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I love to create, be a mom, a wife, a teacher, and a Jesus follower. These are just some of the musings about who I am!

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Momma Heart

Today is Thanksgiving.  In Canada.  Aren't we lucky that we get to celebrate this awesome holiday twice?!?  I mean, the amazing food and the reminder to be thankful two months in a row!?!  (because we are Americans living in Canada)  It is a win, win in my books.

Last night we had the pleasure of joining with our group of friends and enjoying this meal of thanks together.  It was a lovely time.  But, it made my momma heart just ache.  There we were, bellies stuffed, children running around (all 15 of them), surrounded by warmth and goodness, and my heart was just aching.

As I watched one friend sing and sway a little one to sleep, then turned to see another friend, belly swollen with child inside, I felt such a tangible longing that tears came to my eyes.  This morning at church the same feeling...just like my arms were throbbing to hold a child--but not just any child, my child.  

We are days shy of right on our 6 month waiting mark (I just went back and looked...today is our exact 6 month day--180 days of waiting).  We know our profile has been shown once in that time.  And we wait.  And pray.  And wait.  I remember reading this post written by my friend Ashley, about "the club she never wanted to join"--the 100 days of waiting club.  This club sucks.  We are at 180 days of waiting.  And yet, last week I read a post by a mother-in-waiting on an adoption Facebook page I'm apart of reporting that she had been waiting 2500 days.  I met a woman last week who waited faithfully and brought home her daughter after 8 years.  2500 days.  8 years.  Lord, have mercy.  

Our lives are too busy, and yet incomplete.  There is a hole in our family that I am longing to have filled.  Please don't misunderstand:  our lives are great in many, many ways.  I love my family now...I just feel so certain of the love to come, that this time between seems to be missing something (someone, to be exact).  

And so, on this Thanksgiving Day, I am thankful for much...for this life that we are so blessed to live, that I have a wonderful family, and that our wait has not been 8 years.  I also give thanks for that which is hard...this waiting and longing until our family is complete.  
May you, too, be full of thanks for that which is already, and that which is yet to come.  

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Tracy. Remember God's timing is not ours. Continue to pray for your longing to share your family with someone who does not have.

-Love, Margie G.