It is 9:47 pm right now. The title of this post has nothing else to do with what I'm about to write, except the significance of this moment.
I've been learning some good lessons this week. We have run around town several times in the past week on adoption errands. Why in the world they make it so hard for me, Jason's wife by law (and choice, I might add), to run errands on his behalf is besides me. He has to be present for everything, even if I'm acting on his behalf with his permission. Bureaucracy is exhausting.
What I have really been learning through all of this comes straight from a Beth Moore study. This whole week, timely as it has been, was on PEACE. I alluded to it some yesterday on our FB page, but I literally began this week with a tightness in my chest from wanting this baby so badly. For whatever reason, I felt such an incredible sense of longing. Well, I know the reason...God wanted me to call upon Him and ask for peace!
Peace is such a funny thing. We named our second child Shalem--a derivative of the word Shalom, meaning peace. He is anything but peaceful. He is sugar and spice, fire and ice, and any other combination of equally wonderful and troublesome things you can think of. Wise friends of mine (thank you Scott and Tami) once suggested that maybe he wasn't meant to be peaceful, but instead a peacemaker. He's not even that yet, but he has the tenacity and ferocity of spirit to be a peacemaker--of that I am sure.
I only mention all these seemingly disconnected things (the previous three paragraphs grate on my editorial nerves so much...they have next to no transitional flow!) to say that I'm praying for, receiving, and then trying to live out peace right now. Peace is on my mind (please, please, please read that last phrase in a southern accent, because that is how Beth intended it, I'm sure!).
I once stood in front of my class full of eighth graders and asked them how I appeared to be doing that day. They commented that I seemed fine. I proceeded to share with them this quote:
Then I told them that though my exterior was calm and together, my interior was a disaster, being held together by mere threads.
I began this week feeling a little like that--like I was losing a battle on the inside, but trying desperately to appear as though all my stuff was together. Right now, I still long to be done with this whole adoption process. People, I just want my baby home!! The difference has been made because I am now more focused on my loving God than on my longing...enter the great feeling of peace.
Well, my 9:47 has turned into 10:13 and I'm in need of sleep. Peace to you friends.