Viscosity. It is a word that needs to be said with a British accent. At least that is what I have led my grade 8 science class to believe. Try it, I'm sure you'll agree. The definition of viscosity, in all its sciencey glory is complicated...let's just say it is the degree of fluidity that a liquid has. How resistant is it to flow?
This idea, fluidity, has been on my mind a lot this week. Adoption is a process that applies force to my life, causing me to either resist or go with the flow. I am learning just how viscous I am (meaning, I often resist going with the flow...I want to be in control!). I know, I know...science nerd!!
So, am I going with the flow? Well, the easy answer is yes. On the surface I am calm, cool, collected. Just under that thin veneer of togetherness is a complete and total freak out. My insides are a wreck.
You see, a baby is the problem. I am in love with some little creature that I have no idea about. Is it a girl or a boy? Is he/she near or far? When will that little bundle of joy be coming in to our lives? I HAVE NO IDEA! And that is the part of me that wants to become solid like a rock, unwilling to flow anywhere.
Our idea of adoption has gone from the Congo, to the US, and just this week, a possible local adoption. The unknown is killing me! I want, so badly, to be fluid and go with the flow, but I also just want to know (darn it!)!
Why am I telling you this? So that if you see me in the grocery store with lipstick up to my ear or underwear on the outside of my pants, just kindly pull me aside and straighten me out. The Lord knows I'm trying to hold it all together (holding fast to the verse, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me") but I'm afraid the cracks are going to begin to show sometime soon.
Hopefully, hopefully, we'll have a little one in our arms sooner than later and this madness will come to rest.