After Korban was born, I had this feeling of euphoria that lasted for months. Honestly, he was a great sleeper, but I think it carried me even through those hardest of nights. When Shalem was born I had that feeling too, but unfortunately it didn't last for months. His sleeplessness has, however.
The conclusion that I have come to (better late than never right?), is that I'm no supermom. I felt like it when I had just one kid. But oh how that cloth of disillusionment has been ripped from my eyes! THIS IS HARD! It is incredibly fulfilling, but man it is hard. I don't sleep enough and then I feel as if I run around the house putting out fires all day long. The phrase "this too shall pass" has been uttered from nearly every person I know.
The thing is, I don't want it to pass, I want to be fully alive right now! How do I do that? How does a person who is in week 8 of boogers (I know, glamorous) and month 6 of little sleep live in each moment with patience and love?
I don't know. I pray for rest and mercy each night. And each night is the same as the one before. So today I will begin again...tired and germy, hoping that I can maintain my cool with my kids (and everyone else for that matter) and maybe even shower. One day, 50 years from now, I'll look back on this time and see what God was doing--that will be a good day!
Yes, this life is hard, but it is also amazing. When Korban smiles I feel so much joy. When I hear Shalem coo I am full. (and then Korban tries to ride Shalem like a horse and it all melts quickly away)
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I am happy to have realized now that I don't have to have it all together. AND, I'm happy that you know it too so I don't have to pretend!