Throw Back

Today I have been attempting to erase pictures on my Iphone and Ipad.  It has been a struggle in more ways than one.  They are so clogged with photos that they have ceased to function properly.  This is so annoying!!  Right now, I want to rage against technology because I don't fully know what I'm doing and it is taking forever!!

The other difficult thing has been the pictures.  I have scrolled past pictures that break my heart.  I have seen a photo of the cake we got announcing that we had been matched.  I saw the photo announcing it was a boy.  I saw the picture of me taken literally 30 seconds before I answered my phone to hear I had cancer.  

(I took this photo, then my phone rang.  That call was life changing.)

These photos are a painful reminder of life before diagnosis.  This process of healing and grieving is like one step forward, two steps back.  The whole time I do this cha-cha I know God is there with me.  Oh how I am so thankful for his nearness!  He doesn't chide me for continuing to have a hurting heart, rather, he sees my hurt and reaches into it for healing.

Friends, I'm not going to lie...this whole Vancouver experience has been a blessing in so many ways, but it has been hard too.  I have to go to the cancer clinic Monday-Friday.  I am faced with "no going back" (to my old life) 5 days a week.  At least with chemo it was once every two weeks, then three.  

I am getting to make beautiful memories with my family, but there is a bit of a dark cloud hanging over me today (and Vancouver for that matter--literally).

I so appreciate the prayers you have sent up to God on my behalf.  The end of this is creeping ever closer...and my hope is in Him alone!