Sky full of Glitter

Today is December 1st and right now the sky is full of glitter.  (translation:  the sun is shining and it is sort of snowing)  It has been a good day--on the scale of "my kids won't stop screaming and the dog just threw up" to "I won a million dollars and my baby came home" I'd say we're closer to the million dollar mark.       

Yesterday was the first day of Advent.  It was the Sunday of HOPE--and the last Sunday of Adoption Awareness Month.  Fitting, don't you think?

Today is the 204th day of waiting.  We went active way back in May.  But, we started this process nearly 2 years ago (we're 2 weeks out, I believe).  My prayer, when we started this thing, was to have a match by the end of this calendar year.  Today is the first day of the last month.  The sky is full of glitter, I'm home alone (which should mean that I'm shouting for joy), I've got a half-full Dr. Pepper in front of me (again, yippee), and there is this sinking feeling in my gut.  

Saying that I've only got 30 days left is a farce.  There are many days left...this process isn't over just because the deadline I made up is nearing.  But it feels like I'm overdue.  Believe me, I know what that feels like.  Both children I birthed were past their due date...each moment past the line drawn in the sand feels like eternity.  I haven't even hit the line yet and it already feels like forever.  Heck, if I had gotten pregnant in May I would still be!!  This just seems so much harder.  I don't have 40 weeks to mark off on a calendar.  No belly to watch grow.  No kicks to the ribs to remind me of the joy that will come.  Just waiting.  And more waiting.  

This morning I read from 1 Corinthians.  It says, "for all the promises of God find their YES in Him {Jesus}."  Though the waiting is hard and seems never ending, I believe the call upon my life--namely, that we are to adopt, to bring a child into our home, and to love them with all that we are.  The season of hope is upon us; today, I pray that though my self-created deadline draw near, my heart would, indeed, be full of hope and wonder.